It's really simple, whatever that's offensive and repulsive and in no way stimulating or desirable will be taken off, like poof! All gone! This is to ensure that you do take some thought to your writing before just plonking all your emotional ranting onto this blog. I know I said anything, but keep it clean ladies and gents. Don't want no one crying over stupid little things. Adult behaviour, cool?

Okay, now that I've cleared all the boring disclaimer shit, here's the more interesting parts, or at least as interesting as I can type at 2.40 am after talking to 2 people for damn long just trying to convince them to do something.

WHO, WTF, WHERE IS FFLoosh?

We are Friends-For-Life-oosh, more popularly known now as Ffloosh. Ffloosh is a support group borne from the rather amoebic-like SCIFOCOG known as Lala. Due to the need for face-destroying, embarrassing, funny antics to spice up our (rather typical) orientation camp activities, our OG members bravely sacrificed their dignity and future friends for this worthy Cause. This led them to eventually conclude that when school begins we would be very very alone. Proof of this face-throwing can be seen from several examples, e.g. "The Dua-Neh 'Little' Red Riding Hood", Colgate+Plaque Realistic Catfighting,  "A Few Words About Your OGLs" incident (and subsequent Captive Audience Fallout) & Hunky Wakeboarding Instructor Mirror Games.

As such, there was a need for a special support group, one that would help these individuals lead healthy, normal and no-choice-these-are-your-friends lives. We endeavour to ensure that these brave souls have friends (albeit lacking in choice) when school starts. We get these new friends from shamelessly coercing into recruitment encouraging these people with more intact faces into volunteer service. Of course Fflooshperks are available but they may not be completely fulfilled due to the lack of manpower.

We are Ffloosh. We are not legion, but we're getting bigger and you will want to join, because it's just so f**king cool to be one of us. I hope. Please? Be our friend... or we'll send Renita to get the ball back from you. You know she can really get balls back. By the way, can someone check the roster and get back to me regarding that Renita application? Is she one of us yet?

Where Do I Sign?

Hold up one second young punk, I'm not done yet. You think that just because you're going into Uni, with your gay Havaianas, ghim-lion king hair hidden under a trucker cap you wear at night, ragged-looking Chang Beer singlet and typical boardshorts (if this describes any current members, please don't beat yourself up too much about it, I'm merely making fun of our Non-members, no offence, not totally anyway) you're gonna be called in to join our brosishood?

I say NoooOOOooo. (see Russell Peters)

First you've got to understand The Points System. The Points System is very simple to understand. You crack a witty/lame/deadpan/self-deprecating joke (or suaning someone else) and if we all unanimously agree with your "observation", you will see many hands headed your direction.

No, we are not trying to touch you. Not now at least.

You get 5 points each time someone agrees with you, and they show this support by high-fiving you. I would draw a diagram to illustrate the process and physics of high-fiving, but I'm lazy and I assume that unless you were a raised by wolves somewhere in Siberia you'd have been high-fived to death as a toddler. So no drawings.

For 10 points you'll need to have made a joke so hilarious everyone wants to high-five you. 2 points for jokes so dry and lame we just have to give it to you for effort. BONUS Each time you make fun of Deana our OGL you get 20 points! So hurry! While Deana hasn't killed herself!

Our current best promotion for perks is the all-day Mosquito Coverage! Due to the fact that you've got no friends and need to have another Ffloosh member in sight and proximity, this perk is excellent beyong measure! Offered no where else! By virtue of being a Ffloosher, you help one another kill mosquitoes! This helps build camaraderie and espirit de corps!

Think about it, the sheer ecstasy achieved in mosquito assassination! You'll be saving your friend's life, your life, and helping the government promote their anti-mosquito campaign!

LEMME JOIN PLEASE!

In order to join, just look for one of our members. They can be recognised from their shifty, overly- suspicious looks of terror and anger targeted when you spot them at the back of the classroom. They might be hard to spot considering how they like to hide in corners huddled together for security.

Approach with caution and say, I wanna be a Ffloosher! The chances are they'll ignore you, bite and/or try to stab you. I think the best chance you have of joining is really to wait, cause after joining this we're pretty much shame-free so we approach anyone who's nice enough for our tastes.

Just ask our happy Fflooshers, Deana, Kenneth, Scott, Cheryl, Say Heng, etc. We've also got cross-OG connections, like Shannon, who one day just decided to show me his toe, cut and bleeding in several places. I don't know why, but the weird ones seem to know where to find us. I suppose it's cause they know where they truly belong.

So if you're fun-loving enough to swap horrible forfeit concoctions with apple tea bought from the mama shop, and later pretending as though you're drinking the most horriblest thing in the universe, see your local Ffloosher today!

JOIN FFLOOSH, JOIN FOC 2007, CAUSE MASS TRAUMA AND HYPERVENTILATION. REPEAT.

Your Editor,
Erwin Nah